Never Call a Vampire Dude
by Xernes
Summary: Eric calls Jason into Fangtastia and gives him an offer he cannot refuse, as long as Jason gives him a little something in return. Eric/Jason


**Pairing: **Eric/Jason

**Warning(s): **Slash, drug use (V), language.

**Disclaimer: **The characters belong to Charlaine Harris, and I am writing them in the world that Alan Ball created. Nothing is mine, regrettably.

**Notes: **I cannot tell you how much I love the concept of Eric/Jason...ugh. Jason's not taking care of the folks in Hot Shot in this, but Crystal is away. Enjoy.

_**Never Call a Vampire Dude**_

by **Xernes**

"Jason Stackhouse," Pam said nonchalantly as Jason jumped out of his black truck. "It's so good to see you again."

He might not know many things, but Jason knew that was a lie. "Uh, hi there. I'm—uh—I'm here to see Eric Northman."

Pam's eyebrows peaked up as she gave Jason her famous look-over. "So I heard. He's waiting for you in the back."

"In the back?" Jason asked, throwing a glance over his shoulder, wondering if Eric was there.

"In the back of _Fangtasia_," Pam said, rolling her light blue eyes as she stepped to the side. "He's in his office. Do you feel confident finding it?" She studied Jason who looked like a deer caught in headlights as he shrugged his shoulders. "Figured as much. Follow me."

She turned on her heel and led Jason into the bar; he followed her with his hands stuffed into his pockets as he whistled absentmindedly to himself. Pam thought that Jason was certainly an annoying specimen, just like all other humans, but he was easy on the eyes which set him apart just a smidgen. As soon as she stood in front of Eric's office, she lifted her fist up and knocked on the door in a specific series of beats.

"You guys got some kind of secret door knock?" Jason asked, smiling widely as he shifted his weight on his feet uncomfortably.

"What?" Pam asked, shooting a glare over her shoulder at Jason.

"You know, like a secret handshake, only for your door?" he asked, gesturing his head toward it. "You got one?"

Pam's face was completely blank; she didn't answer Jason at all, only waited till Eric said from the other side of the door: "Come in, Pam."

She opened the door and pushed her way in, not bothering to hold the door open for Jason who almost ran into it. "Sookie's brother is here for you," Pam told him, motioning toward Jason.

Eric's eyes fell upon Jason momentarily before he addressed Pam again, "Very good, you may leave now." Once Pam closed the door behind her, he got up and bolted the lock before he said, "Have a seat."

"Uh, I'm fine with just standing," Jason said, giving him a curt nod.

He narrowed his eyes at Jason and pulled a chair out from the front of his desk for him. "Sit."

Jason hated when people tried to tell him what to do, but Eric was a vampire and he could kill him easily if he wanted to. Swallowing his pride, Jason threw himself into the uncomfortable chair and glared daggers at Eric. "Why am I here?" Jason asked.

"Because I asked you to be here," Eric said as he slouched down into his chair, relaxing, and put his feet up on his desk.

"Why do you want me here?" Jason asked, leaning away from Eric's feet that were right in front of his face. Damn, vampires were rude, especially the blond ones.

Eric smirked at how stoic Jason was trying to be. How quaint. "I heard you have AB negative blood," he said simply; his nostrils flared when he inhaled the scent of Jason's rare blood.

"So?" Jason asked, shrugging his shoulders and scooting further away when Eric started to sniff him. What the fuck, talk about strange.

"I haven't had AB negative blood in months," he said, following Jason with his nose till his torso was practically pressed flatly against his desk. "And you've also got some fairy in you."

Jason jerked himself away from Eric by about three feet. "Dude, are you calling me gay?" he asked, holding his hand out in front of him, a sad excuse for a block, just in case Eric decided to attack him.

Eric was in front of him, standing in between his parted legs with his hands on Jason's shoulders, pressing him harshly into the rigid chair. "I'm not a dude," he said, his sapphire blue eyes glaring down at Jason as he held back a tiny, mischievous grin that was playing at his lips.

He struggled against Eric's hands frantically, but the vampire was far too strong for him. "Get the fuck off me, man!"

"You like vampire blood, but not vampires," Eric commented casually.

"I told you in Dallas that I don't do V anymore," Jason said, trying to knee Eric in between his legs, but the angle he was in was all wrong.

"Really?" Eric asked, almost laughing. "Because I think that if you were presented with the opportunity to get your mouth on some V again," Eric brought his wrist up to his mouth, bit into it till he drew out some of his blood, and presented the wound to Jason. "You'd take it."

Jason's eyes were all over Eric's wrist like white on rice. Thick, rich blood spilled from the two punctures freely, flowing down Eric's alabaster arm in meandering streams. Finally, Jason managed to say, "You can't make me."

"Actually, I can," Eric said proudly, smiling widely and showing fang. "But I'd rather not glamour you; it takes out all the fun."

Foolishly, Jason shut his eyes tightly and shook his head hysterically. Maybe if he clicked his heels three times, this would all go away and he'd be back at his house, watching the game with his pepperoni pizza and Bud.

His eyes flew open when he felt Eric press the palm of his hand to his crotch. "What the _fuck_?" Jason screeched, trying to toss Eric off of him, but was yet again unsuccessful.

"I know your sweet little girlfriend is away," Eric said, his voice thick with bloodlust. "Has been for a month, I heard, and you've been trying to be faithful to her while she's off fucking her half-brother. It must be hard to not have your cock sucked for so long." He knew exactly what buttons to press when it came to Jason; after all, they were a lot alike: they were both proud—just in different ways—and they both liked to fuck.

Jason stilled when Eric's fingers worked roughly over his concealed cock, and hated his body for betraying him when it started to respond to Eric's touch. It _was_ hard, to not have sex after he was so used to getting it regularly for so many years—he was practically _addicted _to it, and he hadn't gotten any since Crystal left. But Eric was a guy, a fucking guy, and he was not gay.

But hot damn, Eric was pretty tempting, and vamp blood gushed endlessly through his veins—one thousand year old vamp blood. Jason almost saw stars behind his eyes when he pictured how strong he'd blow his load after a month-long dry spell, high on Eric's blood.

Eric's two small wounds had healed, but there were still streams of blood running down his arms. He swiped a finger across the blood, collecting some of the red fluid before he smeared it across Jason's lower lip. "What do you say? You get a little of my blood, I get a little of yours, we fuck, and then you can go on your merry way." He leaned in closer to Jason, counting on his ignorance when he said, "Besides, you made a vow not to fuck some other woman. I'm not a woman," he said, pressing the bulge in his pants against Jason's thigh.

Jason was not so sure about this all. He didn't want to cheat on Crystal, but the promise of sex was so enticing, and Eric was a guy who's also dead, so fucking him technically didn't count, right? Tasting V juice again was also appealing; he'd get a good high, and if he ran into that dickhead Kitch Maynard, then he could give him a bit of his own medicine. When he poked his tongue out and licked up some of Eric's delicious blood, the only answer on his lips was, "Alright, fine. Just don't tell Sookie, or anyone else."

He let Jason lick up the small amount of blood still left on his arm before Eric slid down his muscular body and worked his jeans open, sliding the stiff material down around Jason's calves. Eric slipped his hand along the moist skin of his hips, and Jason's breathing started to come in staccato pants, short and sweet and Eric almost fell in love—it sounded that good. Jason's half-hard cock was rested against the stretch of skin where his thigh met his hips, and Eric viewed it as an erotic sort of challenge; how long would it take him to get the straight boy to beg for more?

Call it pride, but Eric knew it wouldn't take him long.

With a distinct confidence, Eric wrapped his cool fingers around Jason's length at the base, which promptly earned a sharp intake of breath as Jason's hands grasped the armrests of the chair so harshly that his tanned knuckles turned white. Eric didn't mess around—that wasn't really his style—he squeezed the swollen head of Jason's cock till a pearl of milky fluid leaked out of the tip and quickly licked it up. His taste was musky with a slight hint of salt, and Eric knew immediately that he'd develop a hunger for it, whether this was a one-time thing or not. He swirled his tongue around the violent, smooth head before he pulled back and relished in how it glistened with his salvia before he drew Jason's cock into his mouth completely, nuzzling his nose into Jason's small patch of wiry golden curls. He pulled his mouth up; tracing each pulsing vein with his tongue as Eric cupped his balls softly, rolling them in his hand. And Jason is close, so close, _too close_ Eric decided when Jason's hand, not hesitant at all, found Eric's head, easing him down further.

"What, w-why…why did you?" Jason said, stumbling over his words when Eric's mouth lifted up from his cock. He figured out the answer to his own question when Eric's hands came to the front of his own pants, working them off quickly. Regrettably, Jason stole a glance at Eric's cock, and as soon as his eyes fell upon it, a personal dialogue started up in Jason's head: _Jesus fuck, he's big…bigger than me. I hate him. _

"Get up and bend over my desk," Eric instructed as he fished for a bottle of lube from his cabinet.

Jason wanted to tell Eric to shove it, but eventually he complied. He stood up, stepped out of his pants, and leaned over Eric's desk just as he asked, albeit awkwardly. Jason felt oddly exposed, and he could hardly see what Eric was doing. If he smacked his ass, then Jason was done even if Eric offered him all the V in the world.

Eric squirted out a few drops of the lube in his hand and worked the slippery material over his fingers. Gripping one of Jason's shoulders, he whispered into his ear, "Relax and it won't hurt so much." It was a kind gesture to give him that tidbit of information, and Eric certainly was not big on kind gestures, but he didn't want Jason to leave because his fingers deep inside him hurt too badly. He smoothed some of the fluid on Jason's puckered entrance before he pushed a finger inside, working past the tight ring of muscle as Jason hissed and grabbed the edges of the desk. "Relax," Eric urged again.

How could Eric tell him to fucking relax right now? In Jason's mind, that was akin to telling a pregnant woman to relax in the middle of labor. He inhaled deeply, then, after a pause, exhaled. He tried not to think about the pain, ignored it as best as he could, and then it wasn't so bad. When Eric's finger finally moved inside of him, it actually felt good, and Jason started to rock his hips back onto Eric's touch, flushing a violent scarlet when he realized what he was doing. Eric worked another finger inside of him, and the pain came back, but subsided faster than before. Jason was starting to understand just why Lafayette preferred men just a little bit. Maybe. Sort of.

Eric spread his fingers apart inside of Jason, mimicking a pair of scissors, stretching his tight channel. His fingers curled up, finding Jason's prostate and brushing over it. Jason moved as if he was shocked by a bolt of electricity; his sweaty palms slid over Eric's desk, gripping any objects he could find as he released a loud moan. Jason's mind was working a mile a minute: _what the hell did he just do, what did he touch, do men have clits like women do, just in a different spot? _When the pads of Eric's fingertips found that sensitive spot again, Jason's whole body reverberated with intense pleasure and he thrust his hips against the desk, desperately seeking to rub one off.

"Thought you weren't gay," Eric said sarcastically, licking Jason's earlobe before he nipped it softly with his fangs.

"I'm…I'm…I-I-I'm NOT," Jason screamed when Eric grazed over that spot again, wondering what Crystal would say if he asked her to do this to him next time they were together. If she was used to sex with her half-brother, fucking him with her fingers wouldn't seem that freaky, would it?

Eric smirked and when he drew out his fingers, Jason actually released a series of breathy whines that turned him on a lot more than it probably should. He grabbed the lube again and squirted out another dollop, coating his throbbing cock with the fluid before he positioned himself in front of Jason. Eric teased his entrance; pushing in just the tip before he drew it back out, grinning playfully at the sounds Jason was making. He brought his wrist up to his mouth and sunk his fangs into his flesh again till Eric tasted his own blood. "Suck," Eric prompted, and when he felt Jason's lips close around the small wounds, drawing out his blood, Eric pushed in.

Jason moaned against Eric's wrist; he felt like he was being split in two till Eric's blood spread across his body, calming every single nerve. Nothing that he ever experienced felt better than this, not even sex with Amy when they were both high, or even when him and Sarah fucked in the church after weeks of sexual tension; Eric moved inside of him with a speed that Jason could not even dream of accomplishing, and the feeling of Eric fucking him into his desk transferred to every last cell in his body. Jason felt like he was on fire, like he was flying, like he was traveling at the speed of light, and without even touching himself, he came in hot, quick spurts that beaded on the wood of Eric's desk before they dripped down to the floor. Eric drew his wrist back from Jason's mouth, yanked his head up by a fistful of his blond hair, and sunk his fangs into the curve of his neck. His blood gushed into Eric's mouth effortlessly; the taste of it was akin to a perfect steak to humans. He was beyond delicious; his blood was to be savored and appreciated, even worshipped—the rareness of his AB negative blood type mixed with a tiny pinch of fairy was the nectar of the gods, Eric decided. Well, at least the vampire ones. As he sucked on the tiny fang marks, Eric pushed inside of him endlessly till his whole body shook violently, spilling his release deep inside of Jason.

He was still shaking when Eric slid out of him; whether it was from his orgasm or because he could not believe what he just done, Eric wasn't too sure. His porcelain skin glowed a rosy pink from Jason's blood and his whole body felt energized, alive. "Thank you," Eric told him, licking off every remnant of Jason's blood from his lips.

"Uh, sure," Jason said, nodding awkwardly as he pulled his pants up and fastened them around his waist; Eric followed suit, and started to organize all of the papers on his desk that Jason messed up.

"Don't pretend like you didn't enjoy yourself," Eric said, tossing a grin at Jason from over his shoulder, loving how he squirmed from the comment.

"I'm not," Jason told him, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I guess I can see why Dawn said you were the best sex of her life."

He didn't remember who Dawn was, but Eric guessed that she was just another fangbanger that came into Fangtasia one night, looking for sex that was a bit out of the ordinary. "We can do this again some other time, if you want."

Jason considered Eric's offer for a moment or two till he finally said, "Maybe. Gotta make sure you dead people know how to keep a secret."

-_fin_


End file.
